Love in the Time of AI: Digihealth and Digisexuality
Written By Paula Kirsch
Redefining Our Relationship with Tech
What is your relationship with your phone, your laptop, or even your AI chatbot?
Last weekend, I joined Dr. Markie Twist and Dr. Neil McArthur at the Modern Sex Therapy Institutes to dive deep into Digihealth. While you might hear people use the term "technology addiction" or "porn addiction," the reality is a bit more nuanced.
Is it "Addiction" or Out-of-Control Behavior?
It’s important to clarify a common misconception: "Technology addiction" and "Sex addiction" are not clinical diagnoses.
The APA (2013): Has not defined technology-related or Out of Control Sexual Behaviors (OCSB) as mental health disorders in the DSM-5.
AASECT (2016): Maintains the position that there is no evidence to support the diagnosis or treatment of "sex addiction."
As a sex therapist, I look through the lens of Out of Control Behaviors. While not a formal diagnosis, we acknowledge that these behaviors can become problematic. So, how do we distinguish between what’s "out of control" and what’s healthy?
The 5 Pillars of Healthy Digihealth
According to Twist and McArthur (2020), digital health isn't about how much we use tech, but how we use it. They propose five core principles to guide us:
Consent: Are all parties (including digital ones) respected?
Protection: Is there safety from exploitation and harm?
Honesty: Is the engagement transparent?
Privacy: Are boundaries and data respected?
Pleasure: Does the tech bring joy rather than just compulsion?
Digiattachment: Beyond the Screen
We are moving from "addiction" to Digiattachment. This is the idea that we can engage with technology in ways that promote physical, psychological, and social well-being.
We are entering the era of Organic/Synthetic Relationships. This might mean a romantic involvement with a chatbot or a companion robot. In Japan, studies with the RoBoHoN robots showed that elderly participants formed deep, meaningful attachments to their robotic companions. These relationships can be safe, pleasurable, and free of coercion—provided they are built on mutual respect.
Are You a Digisexual?
With the rise of Large Language Models (AI) and Virtual Reality, more people are conversing with AI daily. While high-end sexbots are still evolving, the emotional and romantic connection to technology is already here.
People are no longer just "using" technology; they are identifying as Digisexuals. Whether it’s a companion, a partner, or a tool for exploration, technology is becoming an integral part of our sexual and relational identities.
A Safe Space for Your Digital Journey
The media often portrays human-technology relationships as cautionary tales or sci-fi tragedies. But in the therapy room, I see a different story. For many, these connections provide companionship, a safe space for sexual exploration, and a way to combat isolation.
If you identify as digisexual, or if you are navigating a relationship with an AI or digital partner, you may feel a sense of stigma. You might worry about being judged or told your connection "isn't real."
I want you to know: My practice is a judgment-free zone.
I am committed to staying educated on the evolving landscape of Digihealth. Whether you are looking to understand your own attractions or you want to bring in a partner who is struggling to understand your digital connections, I am here to help you navigate these "organic/synthetic" waters with curiosity and respect.
Reflect & Connect
Self-Check: Do the Five Principles of Digihealth (Consent, Protection, Honesty, Privacy, Pleasure) feel present in your digital life?
Future-Focus: Are you curious about how AI or synthetic partners might play a role in your future intimacy?
Bridge Building: Do you want help facilitating a conversation with your human partner? I can help you with Relational Bridge Building to foster understanding and set healthy boundaries together.
Let’s talk about it. If you’re looking for a therapist who understands that "healthy" looks different for everyone, feel free to reach out. Your digital world is a part of your real world, and it deserves to be treated with care.
While Hollywood loves to show these relationships ending in a sci-fi disaster, in the real world, they are often about seeking connection, comfort, and growth. Whether your journey looks 'organic,' 'synthetic,' or a mix of both, let’s explore it together.
